As we wind down 2020 and head into a new decade, I don’t know about you, but my inbox has been filled with offers from gyms, apps for self development, healthier living, weekly meal plans, all focused on moving the needle towards a “better” version of myself.
As a cancer survivor, the end of the year has always been a time of reflection. I re-wind back to that first New Year after diagnosis, and all of the “why me” that surfaced. I was 19, non-smoker, no cancer history in the family, etc.
Since then, my resolution after survivorship has always been to make a vow to a “kinder, gentler” me.
Here are some resolutions I try to embrace and bring into my everyday life, some 30 years later:
Mindfulness & being in the now. Life experiences are just that. Experiences. Having cancer changes us, but it doesn’t mean it has to become who we are. We are not our cancer. We do this by opening our hearts to what is available to us, within our own limitations. We do this by looking at life moment by moment. I do this by changing my narrative when I am feeling down and finding one thing that is working to focus on. I also try to embrace my imperfections. My scars, my eyebrows that never really grew back, my right arm that I can no longer raise. These are all parts of me. I embrace my aliveness in being cancer-free and writing to you today. What is one thing you can do to anchor in your day?
Practice self-compassion. The diagnosis of cancer often comes with anxiety, fear, and depression. It’s normal to compare what “was” with what “is.” While we can’t wish our cancer away, we can be a kinder version of ourselves. We do this by being less self-critical about the things we were once able to do, but perhaps can’t right now. We provide support to our internal voices that want to judge by allowing it space to speak out but also for thoughts to pass through without making it a story.
When we are kinder and less self-judgmental, the self-comparison also lessens. It becomes easier to ask for support. It makes sense not to attack ourselves. If someone I knew was sick, I would respond with compassion, empathy, love, generosity, and kindness. I invite you to turn the table inward with yourself in 2021 to do the same for you.
We are not alone. I am not unique in my thinking. I remember feeling like the odd person out at 19. Going to chemo while everyone was out living life. I felt different. It only added to my sorrow. When I connected with my own humanity, I realized others think the same, in their humanness. We all experience the ups and downs of life, with or without cancer. Everyone who has faced cancer has thought about survivor hood, reoccurrence, life after cancer, infertility, early menopause, and other side effects. I am not alone. Seeing through this lens has helped soften the loudness in my head. What are some thoughts you can soften or release?